I have been doing marriage counseling for about 15 years and I realized that what makes one person feel loved, doesn’t make another person feel loved.
Seems like it makes sense. Men are from Mars and all that stuff. I know Jamie and I are different. In The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman argues that people need different things to feel loved. He presents five categories of ways to love and be loved.
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
The biggest takeaway for me from this book was that you and your significant other may be missing eachother with all the best intentions. For example, if your love language is acts of service and theirs is receiving gifts, your natural tendency might be to do things for them and their natural tendency might be to give you things, because that is what either of you would like in return – but you would both be missing the mark. Instead recognize that people appreciate different things, be intentional about learning those things, and do them even though it is not natural.
Jamie and I took the quiz in the book and we found it helpful – mostly I would say due to the conversation. Here is an online version of the quiz. We came out of it with a better understanding of what things the other appreciated. This made it special when Jamie did so and so that I said was important to me and the other way round. It made it easier to notice and appreciate. To know what was required to love well.
a takeaway from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Any helpful books, takeaways, stories, lessons learned on this topic?